Stella Mae’s Birth Story: Part 2

Stella Mae had made her entrance into the world, and we were moved up to the mother-baby unit to soak up snuggles, rest, try breastfeeding, and enjoy our first moments as a new family.

The OB team rounded on me, and my uterus was still bleeding pretty heavily and shifted far to the right by my distended bladder. I couldn’t pee so they placed a Foley catheter and said I had to have it in for 24 hours. It was great fun. I was also unbelievably swollen all over my body, including my face. I looked like the Kool-Aid man. My head was four times bigger than normal and I could barely keep my eyes open because they looked bee-stung. Really great look for all of the touching momma baby photos.

Then, the pediatric team came by to check on miss Stella Mae. At birth, I had noticed a fleck on her right eye that I thought was just some crud. However, now that she’d been washed and prepped, I realized it was actually a small blister. I pointed it out to the doctors, assuming it was an abrasion from birth. We also noticed some similar marks on the top of her head. Moments later, the entire team came back in and pored over Stella with flashlights and looks of concern on their faces.

If you look closely, you can see the blister on her right eye, close to her nose.

The team moved into the hallway to discuss their findings, and by this time I had a tightness in my chest. I fully expected them to see the markings, brush them off as new-mom worry, and go on their way. This was turning into something I hadn’t bargained for.

The team filed back into the room and explained to me why they were so worried. They were concerned that the blisters on Stella’s eye and head could be HSV1 (the herpes virus that causes cold sores). In adults this virus is no big deal, but in newborns it can have devastating consequences including neurological damage or death. They needed to admit her to the NICU to swab her lesions and perform a lumbar puncture to make sure her spinal fluid was free from infection. Meanwhile, they’d start her on antiviral medication just in case. The thought of my new, tiny baby getting a needle in her spine and being away from me had me in tears immediately, but of course we had to agree because the risk of missing this was not worth taking.

I am sure the hormones raging through my body were partly responsible, but I was an absolute mess the entire time Stella was in the NICU. David held me in my hospital bed while I sobbed, unable to get the rest I needed because when I went upstairs away from Stella my anxiety went wild. I am forever grateful for the nurses in the NICU, who were never once condescending or rude while I sobbed over my most-likely-healthy baby, right next door to babies who were fighting for their lives. David, my parents, my sister, and I all took turns hanging out in the NICU since only two people can be bedside at one time.

After one long, terrible night, we got the news we’d been both expecting and waiting for. Stella did not have HSV, and the blisters were most likely caused by trauma during birth. She couldn’t leave the NICU quite yet, because she needed to be weaned off the I.V. meds, but she was in the clear and I felt like I could breathe again.

Meanwhile, my catheter was removed, my bleeding was decreasing, and my uterus was midline again so I was discharged from the hospital. Since Stella was still a patient, we stayed in the same room as her ‘guests’ once she was moved back upstairs to the mother-baby around 1am on Wednesday morning (she spent Monday night and part of Tuesday in the NICU). However, we STILL were not yet ready to head home.

Stella was looking very jaundiced, and her bilirubin levels were just below threshold for light therapy. It was important that she eat and poop a LOT to flush out the bilirubin, but my milk supply was non-existent at this point. We relied on donor milk to feed her, and I pumped every hour in a desperate attempt to get my milk to come in.

Thursday morning, Stella’s bilirubin had decreased slightly and the doctors felt comfortable letting her go home if she followed up with her pediatrician the next day. We received a prescription for donor milk, made our appointment, loaded Stella up in her carseat and hit the road!

I was so relieved to be getting her out of the hospital, but I also felt extremely anxious about my milk supply. I was informed in the hospital that my PCOS can sometimes cause low or no milk to come in, and the guilt and anxiety was intense. I needn’t have worried so much. We supplemented with the donor milk and formula, and I pumped every two hours. Six days after she was born, my milk supply FINALLY came in. Now I am making more than enough for her, and I have a freezer stash building up. My PCOS may have been cause for the delay, but I also think that getting home and de-stressing made a huge difference as well. Stella is fully used to the bottle since she got it at day 1 of age, so she doesn’t eat much from my breast and I am mostly pumping. It would be nice to breastfeed and not pump, but I am done stressing about it. She’s getting the nutrients she needs and I am lucky to have the time I need to pump enough milk for her. If she learns how to latch effectively onto my breast, that’s awesome, but if it never happens then I’m fine with that too.

Thanks for reading! Stella is three weeks old today! She’s growing, healthy, spunky, beautiful, and incredible. We are slowly getting into a rhythm and even though it’s hard work, I honestly cannot imagine life without Stella anymore.